Date: Sun, 15 Jul 2001 16:52:25 -0400

I can't really type right now without looking at my right hand while I do it. I can't usually type very well anyway, but even I don't usually have to type the same word (or try to, anyway) three or four times to get it to come out right.

The problem is that once again my peripheral nervous system has turned on me and is not at all cooperative with my need to have it send signals from my right hand and arm. My right hand is numb again, with the sensation not entirely gone and getting back to full strength somewhere just above the elbow. My fingertips have very little feeling and I can't feel myself hit the keys. So I look.

This is a bitch at work. It sucks at home. Most of my day is spent typing, writing notes by hand, and turning pages. And it's not like I can ask for an assistant or something to do this for me until the feeling comes back (as it almost certainly will).

I guess it's been a little over two and a half years since the last time this happened, and that time it was my leg. I guess I prefer it that it's my arm now, it's much easier to conceal as clumsiness if I drop things or can't type or take a couple of tries to pick things up than if I start falling down or suddenly can't climb steps, and I much prefer to keep this to myself. Overdeveloped sense of privacy; the same thing that stopped me from following up on a job that I interviewed for that would have paid more but that asked me to sign a truly amazing consent form that would have allowed them to investigate my background by nagging my neighbors and relatives. They wouldn't have, of course, because it would have been expensive and it was not at all the kind of job where that would be necessary.

I suppose typing this all out is practice as much as venting. It will still need spell check, I think.

My hand feels like I've spent all afternoon packing snowballs.

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