Date: Sun, 9 May 2004 22:31:59 -0400

How do you tell a relationship is through? How do you know things are over?

What has he given me?

A wrecked car, clean laundry, hugs, celibacy, emotional support, frustration, fits of self-doubt and self-loathing, ferret care, white hair, and an ulcer.

I don't want to be without him. I think.

I don't want him to be unhappy.

I don't want every conversation at home to be a juvenile pun or joke.

I don't want to always have to defend my decisions.

I don't want to be celibate for the rest of my life.

I don't want to be his surrogate mother or sister.

My stomach hurts. It's not only from him. It's the sum of all the stress of the past six months, all the times he's been a hindrance through that rather than a help, and then the relationship's faults and failures.

Sometimes when I contemplate being alone again my stomach stops hurting but I feel like crying.

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