Date: Fri, 14 May 2004 22:08:15 -0400

And so today the neurologist finally got back to me with the results of the MRI, exactly a month later.

And nothing surprising is there, nothing that I didn't expect, but it worries David some and there's a new lesion forming, maybe, in my right temporal lobe and I don't really care.

And then there's the argument on the phone with the doctor, about all the medications that I won't take, and all the reasons why not, but he's afraid of me and half-hearted, I know these people, you have to steamroll them from day one to get them to hear you, to get them to think, to get them to *see you* and take you seriously, but it does work and then you never have to fight them much again.

There was a very strange moment or three with this one when I had my office visit, but that probably doesn't affect anything now if he even remembers. And I'm usually oblivious to these things. But when he grabs an example of a relative that he would advise the same way, he chooses a sister and not a daughter. And he threatened me with declining intellectual function and aphasia instead of wheelchairs and blindness, he does have the measure of me now but still he lost again.

And the one reason that I don't give when I'm fighting over the medications is that this has done me only good; what's a little residual numbness in my hand if the same thing that took the feeling from my fingertips took all the rest of it, too, and now the most severe emotional dysfunction is gone and the really hurt parts of my brain got et?

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